Alison's Breast Cancer Diary
Feelings after diagnosis, surgery, and chemo-therapy

18 December - Life goes on
Sheryl's busy with Christmas preparations.  I 'm not having Christmas.  I 'm not going shopping and I 'm not cooking.  No one cares about that.  It's very relaxing.

19 December - Reflection
Dear Sheryl
Hmmm I didn't go to work yesterday.  Thought I was progressing quite nicely until the pain relief wore off.  My goodness it's painful.  I feel so sorry for anyone who has limited drugs at these times.  I would prefer death to the pain after a few days. 

Trouble with the medication is that it makes me feel dizzy and I want to lie down which doesn't suit my character.  Technically, I 'm doing OK,  leaking 240mls per day of ooze into my haemovac pack.  When this leakage from two drains (one where my breast was and the other under my armpit) falls to 30 mls per day the drains can come out.

The pathology results should be available tomorrow.  We discuss them with the nurse on Thursday.  Three lymph nodes with cancer in is moderate worry, 20 nodes with cancer in is bad luck as it has probably gone to other places in my body.  The report will also show if there was cancer in other parts of my breast and if so that's also bad luck.  Grade III cancer is happy to travel in both lymph nodes and blood vessels.

Last night I felt nauseated just with my pain relief.  I sure don't fancy 18 weeks of chemo. Life eh? 

Got an email from a plastic surgeon who said he hoped his 'lucky colleague' who is doing the breast surgery does a good job.  Can't help wondering what he means by 'lucky '.  Is it that I would be a lovely challenge to work on? that I 'm a lovely person? or, that it's very profitable to do a breast reconstruction?

My brother, Stuart, arrives from Sydney today.  Now that I 'm not drinking I don't think I 'm going to have much tolerance for him because he's quite a consumer of the stuff.  He loves me and is upset about my cancer (not the only one). 

Our finances are interesting.  We need to borrow $400K to pay for a section at Lake Heyes in March.  The property in Blenheim is on the market but no one has offered to buy it.  Borrowing $400K to extend our house right now is what a financial planner could describe as being 'unreasonable '.

Stuart wants to go to Mt Lyford.  I will go with him subject to drains and stitches being removed prior to leaving.  It would be great to have you come and stay.  Guess who won't be going to Hanmer Springs for a dip?

Wally is coming to see me this morning.  He said he would bring morning tea.  I said make sure it's only fruit.  I have consumed nothing 'illegal' including wine

Pain relief still hasn't set in.....so can't do my stretching exercises yet.  I'll give it half an hour and then take some codeine.
Love A

Hi Love,
It makes me feel nauseous thinking about you, you poor thing, I didn’t realise that the chemo took so long! It is such a big disruption in your life, you might have to have a change of character and lie down when you need to and be quiet and patient, how absolutely bloody awful. Of course I am coming to Lyford. We will play scrabble and I am sure you will beat me and go for a little walk or two and I will bring some nice food for you.

Now, when Stuart gets there DON”T LOOK AFTER HIM!!! You are the one who needs the looking after OK? Imagine me speaking very sternly at this point.

 As to your surgeon, he is a pratt and you are obviously the recipient of some wounded vanity I would imagine that he is generally treated like a god and you probably didn’t do that, and rightly so. How pathetic of him.
Love S.

Dear Sheryl
My brother is crazy.  He arrived at the airport in the morning an hour before his international flight.  Waited in the queue for 40 mins and then his flight was closed.  Now he's arriving at 12:30 am....we always pick him up because 'we love him' even though right now I 'm not quite thinking that way.  He is concerned for me.

I didn't lie down this morning.  After your e-mail I became involved with a client and I forgot to feel miserable - there is a little lesson there.  If I didn't have a laptop connected to the office I would have tottered off up stairs and felt miserable for another two hours before Wally came to cheer me up.  The breast nurse came before he did and she's delightful having had cancer twice herself.  It's very fashionable as you know.

e-mail from JB

Dear Alison,
It's so long since you sent me this kind message that by now you could have had a career change, or be caring for orphans in Kurdistan for all I know, BUT if you 're still advising people about finances, I 'm wondering if I might be able to interview you for a story I 'm working on for ............ (-working on- is a misnomer, I haven't started yet) about superannuation. I 'm not sure yet what the angle will be, but my guess would be that for all the talk about our lack of savings, and the urgency to improve the situation, there must still be a hell a lot of people who have made little, if any provision for retirement.  What should they do. What do you do if you 're in your 30s, what do you do if you 're in your 40s, or 50s? (Or is what you earn more important than how old you are?)

If you 're willing and able to talk to me, could you let me know. I've probably left it too late to squeeze an interview in this week, but I return to work on January 26-ish and if you were around then, that would be great.
Many thanks, JB

Dear JB
I 'm not intending to change my occupation and it's lovely to read from you.  You may be interested to know that Mum died last month.  While it was sad we were all 'happy' for her because her last few months were miserable.  The rest home staff excelled the day she died.  They have a very good procedure in place for the death of a patient.

I will be in the office on Wednesday.  Would love to talk with you and tomorrow will be fine.  alternatively late Jan could also work. 

I start chemotherapy sometime in January.  Last week I had a mastectomy.  It's been a fairly traumatic end of year.  I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer two weeks after Mum's funeral......all this makes for a good story.....because if you are planning to save for retirement what happens for example if you are HER-2 positive?  This is when Herceptin is a great drug and has dramatic results.  It appears that for HER-2 cancer patients a one year cycle of Herceptin will reduce the risk of the return of cancer by 30%.  Any HER-2 positive patient would surely take this potion but the Government will not pay and it costs $120,000 per year for a 70kg woman.  The cost is based on weight.  I weigh 105kgs but I 'm dieting as hard as I can!

It's one thing to plan for retirement but in the event of an 'unexpected event' you want to make sure you don't use your savings up for costs.  There's much more to retirement planning than just saving money.

Look forward to talking with you tomorrow.
Cheers A

Dear Alison
Good God, that was not the reply I was expecting! Firstly my commiserations on your mother’s death. Even when you know someone is going to die there is still a kind of shock that they’ve actually gone, I’ve found, but I agree, it is hugely eased when it is really a relief from suffering – theirs and yours. I hope your father has a sense of release; it seemed your mother’s illness was taking a huge toll on him emotionally, and probably physically as well. God, ageing is cruel.

And as for your own diagnosis, my God, “a fairly traumatic end of year” must surely be an understatement. All I can say is that the stats on breast cancer survival rates are getting better and better. The odds are on your side for a good outcome, which is not to gloss over what I understand is pretty rugged treatment coming up.

I would still love to talk to you about retirement, and I don’t want to exploit your situation but man, your own story, a financial planner suddenly faced with a crisis which will doubtless interrupt your own financial plans, would be rather compelling, but I’m certainly not going to push you that way. I wanted to talk to you for your professional expertise and am happy to leave it at that, if you’d prefer not to share your personal story.
JB   

I 'm off to cook a steak and a new potato.  I am 'dieting' as cancer is attracted to fat people.  Fat makes oestrogen.  Reena, who co-incidentally - was diagnosed with cancer two days after me, said losing weight is unconditional and not negotiable.  I have to.  By the time chemo is over I will have a gorgeous body.

Useful websites
www.cancerhelp.org.uk 

Alison Renfrew - Profile          Alison Renfrew - Financial Planner of the Year    Alison coping with cancer