Alison's Breast Cancer Diary
Feelings after diagnosis, surgery, and chemo-therapy

12 December - Reflecting on the "what if's"
Dear Sheryl
Good morning darling!
I 'm really worried about having my breast lopped off.....first of all I'm going to have to find new swimming togs because I would look quite odd in my current speedos but secondly how embarrassing trying to swim in straight lines.  I could be swimming in a circle...think about it.

My friend Reena stayed at our house last night and explained the pathology of my cancer in more detail - she, being a pathologist, was able to give a very detailed explanation.  She explained that fat, as well as ovaries, produces oestrogen and this is why it is important to be slim.  Did you know that the ovaries are considered to be so wicked with regard to cancer that the chemotherapy is designed to knock them out?  This means that after chemo I will be post menopausal.  This came sooner than expected but I was heading in that direction with my hemorrhaging periods so I 'm o.k. about it.

Then she told me about Herceptin which is vitally important if the cancer is HER 2-neu positive.  25% of cases like mine are HER 2-neu positive.  Now here's the interesting bit: the HERA Trial was completed in 2004 and presented to the American Society of Oncologists in 2005. This trial which involved women from around the world, including NZ and Australia, conclusively demonstrated that you must have this drug to dramatically increase your chances of clobbering the cancer.  The trail was to have been done for five years but after two years it was altered for ethical reasons.  It was altered to give Herceptin to the group taking the placebo medication because the results showed it was clearly unethical not to give it to that group. Those on Herceptin showed dramatically better life saving results.  That's the first Wow!  The second one is that for an average weighted woman - average being 70kgs (really?) - the cost of Herceptin for one year is $120,000.  The cost increases with weight!  If there isn’t a discount for bulk I estimated my cost would be $180,000

This drug is available via the Government in Australia, and the UK in fact in 23 out of the 28 OECD countries but not NZ.  This is because the estimated cost of providing this drug represents 2.5 times the total current annual oncology budget.

It does confuse me a little thinking about the hundreds of African immigrants we are allowing to come into our country who have AIDS.  The cost of providing free medication for these people and extrapolating to how many Kiwis might become infected with AIDS and the subsequent on going medical help they will need will inevitably be far higher than providing Herceptin to good young Kiwi women who need it now.

So, if I test positive for this HER 2-neu hormone there goes my trauma insurance windfall but it's nice to have the money to pay for the drug.  Some women have to mortgage their homes, or borrow from friends and family and those who can't just have to suffer a greater risk of having their cancer recur.

Interesting, nes pas?  Makes you wonder if this monetary judgment would be the same if it depended on men's lives being saved.
Love A

Sheryl e-mailed me:
You will be in the group of survivors; you are a fighter and won’t let this take you down…well maybe momentarily. I have had a long talk (one of many) with my friend Beth; she had a similar cancer to yours, pretty much the same actually, and has been in remission for 12 years now. Apologies for talking about you behind your back but I feel I need to be useful!  What follows is her advice.

Keep walking every day

Take a coenzyme CQ10, arnica, and vitamin C before surgery, start now, there has been a study out of the UK which indicates reduced hospital stay and quicker recuperation for those who follow this regime.

She also swears by meditation, she is burning a disc which I will send to you.

She has recommended a couple of books for you, one I have ordered but it will be about 4 weeks before we see it. The other is winging its way to you as we speak. It is written by a Wellington guy who is very approachable she suggests that when the spirit moves you should feel free to give him a call. She has a lot to do with him through the cancer society.

And now messages from moi….do not worry about family, assets or business. You must be your focus and getting better etc is the best thing you can do for everyone else if you are worried about how they will cope. I am thinking good thoughts for you and casting evil thoughts towards the squattocracy who are invading your body. I am sure that will help!!

What time is your surgery?

Best love to you sweetie, Sheryl.

I replied:
Aye, that's a lovely e-mail.  thank you.  I've printed it off.

What a new 'growing' experience I 'm going through.  It's impossible to describe how passionate Richard and I have been to each other - not so much sexually - but just because we have really tuned in to how much we love each other (maybe I should write Mills and Boon books).

We met with the surgeon yesterday to go through the pathology report and options.   Basically because of the large size of the lump and the amount of 'margin' tissue to be removed to be safe and ensure the probability of removing all the tumor are we having the breast lopped off tomorrow along with the lymph nodes.

The next anxious moment will be the pathologist's report about what he finds in the breast tissue and the lymph nodes.

So, Ron held the last party at which Alison's natural cleavage was displayed - I've always been fond of it so I expect I will be grieving a little.  Richard should be as well.  My left breast had by far the better nipple.  The right nipple - well - we 'll get by.

I couldn't get a breast reconstruction on Wednesday because there wasn't time to arrange this with the plastic surgeon.  Normally there are 2-3 weeks from diagnosis.  I am having my operation only one week later.  Frankly, thinking of breast reconstruction less than a week after diagnosis seems absurd.  I need time to adjust just to the fact that I have cancer.  After the chemo. I might choose to have a breast reconstruction and tummy tuck and I 'm inclined to think I should throw in a bit of liposuction for good measure.  A girl has to get something out of this drama.

Its interesting how much we have learned about cancer over this last week!

and Sheryl responded (we spend a bit of time e-mailing don't we?)
I’ve always thought it would be fun to write something like Mills and Boon, heaving bosoms and manly thighs I heard that these days you are even allowed to write sex scenes. I could help, I have been watching Nip Tuck and have learned such a lot. Did you realise you could get your vagina remodeled as well? OUCH! Teehee.

Love as always, S.

e-mail to my friend Johnny, personal trainer
I have been told that I am likely to have six chemo treatments.  Each cycle is for 3 weeks.  Total treatment will be 18 weeks.  By that time I expect to be healthy and slimmer and ready to get healthier and slimmer still over the next 6 month period.  Alcohol has been removed from my lifestyle as have takeaway foods, puddings, biscuits, and all the other crap I consume.  I expect dramatic results and acknowledge that I need you to help me tone my withered body.  Hopefully, by this time the cancer will have decided it's had enough of haunting me and will curl up and die.

It’s the pathologists report on the breast and Lymph nodes after they have been removed that will be telling and bring us joy or renew our earlier concern about my mortality that we are now ‘looking forward to’.  It's hard for me to imagine my entire breast being transported to a pathologist and being sliced up in a laboratory?  It's quite macabre don't you think?

Useful websites
www.cancerhelp.org.uk 

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